hello, I need help with my thesis statement for the following question: what does the poem suggest to you about the forces that inhibit or encourage an individual's actions?  the text I am using is "Dulce et decorum est by Wilfred Owen".

this is the thesis statement I did:

an individual goes through a bad experience by believing in assumptions but they become encouraged to advising others about the real truth so they don't go through the same. As suggested in the poem dulce et decorum est, individuals come to be affected by the war. In order for them to move on they turn out to be encouraged by the death of fellow soldiers, Owen becomes to have the strength to write about the truth of what war really is like and takes action by telling those as stated in the poem that there’s nothing glorious about the war. 

 

is my thesis good? also, I'm not good at grammar any suggestions about switching words.